The View From July - by Helenback

My therapist told me I’m adorable, and my gynecologist said I’m delightful, so yeah, it’s been a pretty good year so far!

To all those wondering about my absence—-or to that one guy wondering about my absence—-I’ve been dealing with fibromyalgia—-a subject so boring I don’t want to give it another line in this piece. I don’t want to belittle anyone suffering with this pain disorder—it’s awful. What else is there to say about it?

Your reward for hearing about boring health stuff is that now you get to hear the story of how Jesus healed my sore knee in the Dallas Love Field airport. 

I was visiting my son Henry this past March in Dallas.  He’d moved there last summer. I am still adjusting to this nonsense that all my children live in other states.  What is the point of putting in so much time shaping our children into funny, caring, wonderful adults if they’re just going to live so far away? Perhaps I should’ve tried to raise more neurotic homebodies instead—-too late now. 

I’d said my completely undignified and weepy farewell—-don’t judge—-it took a lot of therapy to allow myself to cry at all. I quickly proved to the TSA that I am not a terrorist and rushed to the Starbucks in the terminal. I spent most of last year trying to heal an injured piriformis(look it up. No time to explain) which had gotten my whole leg out of whack and caused significant knee pain. I’d been seeing a massage therapist; getting acupuncture, and working with a sports medicine doctor. Nothing was working. 

So this very tall young man in front of me in the Starbucks line turned around and said, “Are you having pain in your knee?” I was startled because I do not believe I was limping—-though maybe I was. I replied that yes, I was having a lot of pain in my knee, and how did you know that? In a very charming Austrian accent he said, “I know this because I am a Christian, and I have Jesus inside of me, and Jesus loves you and does not want you to be in pain.” I burst into tears. Maybe I was emotional from saying goodbye to Henry, but it was still lovely to hear that somebody was worried about my knee. None of the other health care providers that were working with me told me they loved me. Not one. It turns out my new friend Andreas who has Jesus inside him was on his way to New York City to spread the word of God, which seemed like a good way to get murdered. He told me he was here from Austria attending Bethel College of Supernatural Ministry in Redding, California. He came here after deciding to turn away from his wicked life in Austria. 

Andreas said that Jesus is in me too, and Jesus did not want me to be in pain, so could he heal my knee by putting his hand over it and praying? Well, sure. I’ve let all those other people work on it and nothing happened so let’s let Jesus have a crack at it! If you’re wondering if the other people in the Starbucks line were getting weirded out by the crying lady and the Austrian faith healer, the answer is decidedly yes. I didn’t care. He bent down, and spread his fingers and pressed them around my knee while he prayed to the Holy Spirit. Then he asked me to bend my knee and see if it felt better. It did not. He seemed genuinely shocked and disappointed. I’d considered lying for the briefest second, but what if Jesus really was in there? He wasn’t going to cure me if I was lying about it! Andreas asked if he could try again and I said sure, which is why I’ll probably end up in a cult if I ever travel Europe. He prayed again and asked me to try my knee again and it did actually feel a bit better. It very possibly felt better just because someone was putting their fingers on it and releasing some of the tension, or maybe Jesus did it. 

We chatted for a few minutes more and I was going to give him some tips on how not to get murdered in NYC but he heard his flight was boarding and sprinted away without ever getting his coffee. I became friends with Andreas on Facebook and got to see video of him introducing himself on a subway car and telling the occupants that Jesus loved them. Some of them seemed charmed by him but mostly they seemed indifferent and nobody yelled at him or told him to shut up, so I was happy for him. 

My knee did continue to improve and is actually completely healed now. I don’t know if Jesus did it. I looked up the Bethel College of Supernatural Ministry because hey, if it works, maybe they can cure my fibromyalgia too. Also, that is the best college name I have ever heard. I would very much like a degree from a supernatural university. It turns out that this is run by an American man, and none of this sounds good without the Austrian accent. I realized if any American had approached me and asked to put their hand on my knee to heal it I would have told them to scram. They probably wouldn’t have even gotten to the offer of healing because as soon as they said they had Jesus inside them I would have been weirded out. I don’t really mind if Americans have Jesus in them, of course, but it doesn’t sound as sincere without the foreign accent. 

I hope you’re all having a real swell summer!

Hit me up at askehlenback@gmail.com