“Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, “Aw, who cares?” And then I think, “Hey, what’s for supper?” Jack Handey
Ah, here we are again at lovely, lovely summer. It’s that time of year when you can find me standing in my front yard arguing with those door-to-door lawn service guys about the chemicals they use. Well, mostly they don’t argue when I tell them I’m trying to grow clover in my yard because they think I’m crazy, but the occasional person will try to lawn shame me by pointing to my neighbor’s flawless carpet of grass and saying, “We’re going to make your yard look like that!” I explain that I’d rather not decimate the bee population just to meet some arbitrary standard of lawn perfection. Look, I get that it’s aesthetically pleasing to see this long swath of green across our yards, but we need to get over that. We now know what the environmental cost of that is. I also let the area along our fence line grow wild because it provides a nice habitat for the birds. And I know you’re probably asking, “Hey, isn’t this just a construct you’re using to get out of doing a bunch of yard work?” My answer to that is, hey, shut up!
I am going to keep this short because I am in the middle of cleaning out my pantry, and once you start a thing like that, you have to finish it because it shuts down the rest of your life. Also, I don’t like long goodbyes. It’s been a privilege and a joy to write this column about nothing all these years. I’ll be creating a website over the summer but for now keep in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org__.